5 Ways to Survive January — the Most Depressing Month of the Year
Resolving to Be Kind: 10 Resolutions for 2015
We definitely need to be kinder……especially to ourselves and especially this time of year.
Photo Credit: rachelgadiel.com
As 2014 rapidly comes to a close, I find myself straddling the line between the past and the future, as I reflect on the ups, downs, and the middle ground of the past year and look forward to the endless opportunities that the new year brings. As I do every year, I excitedly am preparing for the upcoming year by dreaming new dreams and then devising plans to make these dreams realities. As I end my first year as a co-administrator for The Kindness Blog (thank you, again, Mike O’Connor for this incredible opportunity), I decided to come up with a list of resolutions related to being kind.
Being kind sounds simple enough, and in general, it is actually. That said, sometimes, I have a way of complicating matters by either over thinking things or leaving things up to chance, both of which can sabotage the best of my intentions. …
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How to Ask for Accommodations at Work
Although I’m very open about having Bipolar Disorder and have come out publicly several times at work, I’ve never had to ask for accommodations to HR. I have come to realize that at times, I do need accommodations and I’m blessed that usually, what I need are smaller things that I can do on my own without including anyone else in my tweaks and twists.
But the other day, I was discussing my workload with my first level supervisor. As a college professor, I am required to carry a certain number of “units” each year and teach a certain number of classes to maintain my faculty status. As we are a very small private Christian university, I’ve never had the problem of not having enough units – rather, I have to be sure that I don’t overdo it and take on more than I can realistically handle.
Accept Yourself Where You Are
It’s okay Lisa. Just go with it.
These are the words of a good friend of mine who lost 5 family members during the last year, including her mother and her son. Today, we spoke quietly about anxiety and despair and sadness. She shared the pain of the loss of her son and I shared my fears about losing control; control of my mind and my faculties due to bipolar disorder. We cried a lot, standing in the afternoon sun, and I felt guilty for making her cry.
But I Don’t Want to Die Anymore
Caught Between Living and Dying
I turned 51 years old yesterday. I’m not really old yet, but I sure as heck am not young anymore. Just as my children are not old yet, but, they’re not young anymore either. My parents? They’re 80. Not elderly, but yet, I would say that’s old.
As a single woman with three college-aged daughters, and two “older” parents, I am increasingly finding myself home alone on any given evening; the last twenty years of my life defined by the scars of living a life with bipolar disorder. It’s ironic, really, I’ve come to the point when I don’t want to die any more. I’m stable on my meds and though I still fall into brief periods of depression, my cocktail of medications keeps me from spiraling into the pit of complete despair. But the life I have left after two failed marriages and one failed engagement – ruined by bouts of mania – sometimes leaves me with a feeling of emptiness.
Ruminating
So I sit here this evening and reflect on what I should do with the next thirty-odd years of my life. Oh, my children still live with me as they finish college and my parents are not yet moved in, so I have maybe 3 or 4 years left with the comings and goings of the girls. But then what? I don’t want to die anymore, but am I left with a life worth living?
What does one do when what should have been their most productive years are spent and yet have produced nothing but a work-addicted shell of a woman? Can I wax philosophical about my life without becoming morbid and making myself depressed? Do I really want to look back on my life in yet another thirty years and say as I lay dying, “ Is that all there is?”
No. No, that’s not for me friends. For just as I begin to allow myself a split instant of self-pity, I remember that great scene between Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts in StepMom, where Julia reminds Susan, that she can never, ever be replaced. I may be a single lady, but I am now and always will be, a mother. I hold a special place in my daughters’ hearts that will never be replaced. And even though their childhoods may be marred by the memories of their manic mother, they love me still. My girls are almost full grown now. It won’t be much longer and I will be watching them prove to themselves what I’ve known all along; that they are stronger then they ever thought they could be and despite everything that’s happened in their lives, they have grit.
Thirty Good Years
I have thirty good years ahead of me. I have no one to answer to, no one to be responsible for, just me, and my canine companions. I can choose what to do with the time I have left. What freedom. What a gift I’ve been given. Suddenly, there’s no emptiness…no emptiness at all. It’s a bucket full of places to go and people to visit. As Albert Camus once said, “You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
Here’s a list of the few things on my Bucket List that I can check off:
- Ride on a riverboat on the Mississippi
- Visit the Battlefield of Gettysburg
- Eat Beignets and have coffee in New Orleans
- Take a tour of Graceland
- Get my doctorate degree
- Eat Escargot
- Cross the Bermuda Triangle
- Stand in four states at the same time
- Attend a Forty-Niner game at The Stick
- See Gone With the Wind on the big screen ( all four hours)
- Drive across the Golden Gate Bridge
A few things still on my bucket list include:
- Go to the Roman Colosseum
- Write a book
- Run a Disney half marathon
- Go to the top of the Empire State Building
- Take a cooking class in Tuscany
- See the glaciers in Alaska
You can get more ideas here . So, tell me. What’s on your Bucket List?
When You Just Can’t Focus at Work
Having Bipolar Disorder is like having an electrical short in your strand of Christmas tree lights; all you get is On. Off. On. Off. I have a fairly high-pressure job as faculty at a small Christian university – one of those places where one person does the job of 5, so there really is no “down time” while at work. And even though sometimes I just have to chuck it all in the fuck-it bucket, and take a few hours off, most of the time, I do use a list of strategies to push through the fog in my brain and getter done.
One of the things that my doctor and I agree on is an effective use of meds. I am borderline for ADHD on the Connor’s, but sometimes my meds, depression and stress can kick it into high gear. For that reason, we have settled on a small dose of Focalin three times per day – not only because the stimulant increases the effectiveness of dopamine in my system, but it also counters the sedative effects of my other meds. I bring this up only as a starting point for a conversation with your pdoc.
The Morning Ritual
LIFE HACK: THE MORNING RITUAL
I used to dread mornings: oversleeping, skipping breakfast and rush hour traffic. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned more and more to enjoy the quiet of being an early riser. Since I stopped watching television during grad school, and never resumed the habit once I finished, I really have no reason to stay up late anymore, so when I find myself yawning at 9 pm or even 8, I close the laptop and head for bed. I have discovered the joy of rising at 4 am, sometimes earlier depending on whether I had class the night before. Going to bed and getting up at nearly the same time each day is an imperative to functioning with Bipolar.
With no one to bother me that early, I am completely left to my own devices. My two rottie-mix dogs and I rise usually without an alarm and head for the back door. While they’re outside, I refill their food and water dish, make a fresh pot of gloriously aromatic, but cheap, coffee and prepare some breakfast. They say breakfast isthe most important meal of the day, and it’s the only time I don’t have to worry about what my kids are eating, or how many I have to cook for. Sometimes it’s a fried egg on toast, sometimes it’s yogurt with mounds of fresh berries and granola, and sometimes, it’s just an Arbonne protein shake. But whatever I make, I get to take my time to eat or make whatever Ifeel like eating or making.
Getting to Know Me
Lisa Keith,
Psy.D. is a 20-plus year veteran special education teacher who has taught grades K-12 and now teaches graduate students who want to grow up to be special ed. teachers. When she’s not teaching or academically engaged, she is completely engrossed in 49er football or the art of Zentangle. A typical day for Lisa begins at 4 a.m. to check email, Pinterest and journal, followed by a hefty dose of coffee and hours of study.
You can learn more about her here:http://grad.fresno.edu/faculty/lisa-keith-psyd
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